Suicide Season

Dimitri Fedotov
2 min readMar 23, 2021

Very recently a friend took his own life.

Family and friends have been dealt a heavy, infinitely heavy blow.

This tragedy doesn't seem to grow by any estimate of horror and pain, although it has grown in quantity because the news spread and more people were affected by this terrible event.

We will never know exactly why he chose to put an End to It All, we will never know whether we could have done anything to have him change his mind and we don't know whether he wanted to do this for a long time or if it seemed appealing with various degrees over time, with Life treating him well or less so … during that very time.

There are so many questions that will never be answered and the only thing we have to go on with are our memories of a truly amazing person who chose to leave us all, affection for those memories, affection and care for each other.

I have to stop here.

I have to stop here not for the lack of vocabulary or ability to use it, nor for the lack of sentiment about one young life, … I could keep going on expressing times and times more. I need to stop exactly here because all of those things would be simply be a fractional expression of the immense finality of what has taken place — a one decision made by one person which has detonated and caused an enormous crater of Pain, full of suffering and myriads of questions that will keep returning over time.

I don't believe that the pain from this event will ever mathematically grow and appreciate over time because it seems so Infinite, so already Infinite. I am dumbfounded to realize what an instant finite harshness and immediacy of negative value this event has produced. My thoughts are with his surviving and grieving parents, sisters, other relatives (whom I haven’t met) and many friends.

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